I swear, this nearly did me in. Seriously, around mile 14 or so, I just got all floppy and was seriously losing the will to go on. Fortunately, I HAD to return to the trail head, and that was 2 - 1/2 miles away, so the 17 miles was completed. I got a lot of my energy back around mile 16 where I must admit, I got sort of emotional. All of a sudden, I was just imagining how it was going to feel to finish this race, and all this training, for Sean. Sometimes, I just can't believe he's gone. I mean, really. Some days the loss is just so...acute. It's been 10 months, but on somedays it feels like it may have just been 10 minutes, and I just miss him so much. Everything he was, everything he wanted to be (I was imagining him beating on the drums for me). Anyways, sometimes when I need a little boost I remember that day that I raced him, the summer before he was diagnosed (probably already sick). I told him that he might be faster, but I could run longer and I would eventually win. Boy, did he prove me wrong. He ran, and ran. Told me that it was something that he was really good at, that few would catch him if they tried. So anyway, there I was needing my boost, thinking of Sean, and I imagined the finish line of this Austin marathon, and how it would feel. I'm here to say right now, that I am going to be a PUDDLE! I know it. I'm going to fall apart and that's okay. Hopefully it won't happen until the very end, because - as I learned on Saturday - crying and running both compete for oxygen. Fortunately, I managed to reign things in before I got hysterical on Saturday - mostly afraid that people would think I had hurt myself and not really wanting to explain the truth, or any part of it.
Okay, so I just send out a plea for funds. Only something like $300 left for this venture and here's hoping that people come through. So hard, and yet so exhilarating. Right. I gotta go - need to go run 3 miles before I do another 8 tomorrow. Stay tuned for more dirty details, this weekend is a 12 miler, than 20, then the taper begins! Down, down, down to the zero hour!