Almost there - one month to go.

So, last week in Minnesota amounted to some rather paltry training time. I was able to get some passes from a friend of Ellen's (thanks Kirsten! - sp?), but the training was horrid, horrid! I tried to run on Friday night, but I only did a 3 mile run. I must have been fatigued, dehydrated, improperly carbohydrated, etc. This was a bad, bad night for running. I tried again on Monday (after spending the weekend sleeping and drinking gallons of water) and did much better on a 5 mile run. But...a big but...that was it. No long run. Yup, I'm bad. I got back to Tyler on Tuesday and ran another 3 and 5 mile run before the long run on Saturday, which was - wait for it - 17 miles!

I swear, this nearly did me in. Seriously, around mile 14 or so, I just got all floppy and was seriously losing the will to go on. Fortunately, I HAD to return to the trail head, and that was 2 - 1/2 miles away, so the 17 miles was completed. I got a lot of my energy back around mile 16 where I must admit, I got sort of emotional. All of a sudden, I was just imagining how it was going to feel to finish this race, and all this training, for Sean. Sometimes, I just can't believe he's gone. I mean, really. Some days the loss is just so...acute. It's been 10 months, but on somedays it feels like it may have just been 10 minutes, and I just miss him so much. Everything he was, everything he wanted to be (I was imagining him beating on the drums for me). Anyways, sometimes when I need a little boost I remember that day that I raced him, the summer before he was diagnosed (probably already sick). I told him that he might be faster, but I could run longer and I would eventually win. Boy, did he prove me wrong. He ran, and ran. Told me that it was something that he was really good at, that few would catch him if they tried. So anyway, there I was needing my boost, thinking of Sean, and I imagined the finish line of this Austin marathon, and how it would feel. I'm here to say right now, that I am going to be a PUDDLE! I know it. I'm going to fall apart and that's okay. Hopefully it won't happen until the very end, because - as I learned on Saturday - crying and running both compete for oxygen. Fortunately, I managed to reign things in before I got hysterical on Saturday - mostly afraid that people would think I had hurt myself and not really wanting to explain the truth, or any part of it.

Okay, so I just send out a plea for funds. Only something like $300 left for this venture and here's hoping that people come through. So hard, and yet so exhilarating. Right. I gotta go - need to go run 3 miles before I do another 8 tomorrow. Stay tuned for more dirty details, this weekend is a 12 miler, than 20, then the taper begins! Down, down, down to the zero hour!

Happy Holidays

My only excuse for not writing so long has been the craziness of the holidays: shopping, end of semester madness, partner in town, and - oh yes - training for a marathon.

Never fear, the training does indeed go on and I'm on track. On the day after Christmas, I ran 15.25 miles (let me pause for a "!" here)...

The training has improved since last time and I've been enjoying it again; I mostly needed to try something different because it was really feeling like a bunch of the same old same old, what can I say? So now I've been using the iPod Nano a bit (listening to inspiring music and a little Jane Austen) and working out at the gym at school on the treadmill. Another thing I've started to do is use the warm-up - that is: I've been warming up before running (as opposed to just starting out running). I suspect some of my problem was rooted in starting out too strong and burning out too fast. I'm also working on balancing out my hamstrings and quads, doing more on the exercise bike to address that. Overall, then, I would say that things have gone quite well.

What else? Well, I still need about $400 to make my fund-raising minimum, which is a major drag. But there it is. If anyone knows someone who hasn't gone broke here during the holiday season and looking for a good cause in which to invest, I'm available. Ugh...not much to say. Heading to Minneapolis next week, which is so cooooooold that it should be a major challenge to get proper training time in. Maybe I can go beg Lifetime fitness to give me a deal for a good cause. Otherwise, I think they charge $30 for a guest pass (which I may need to pay off my fund-raising goal). Argh!

So, to sum up. Running = good; fund-raising = bad. No surprises there. Happy New Year!

Back in the saddle again.

So, I guess you could say that I'm back in the saddle again, running regularly and long (when I have to). Nevertheless, this last week has been hard. I don't know if my problem is coming back from illness, or just the unseasonably warm weather (sorry Minnesotans - but 73 degrees is not ideal running weather), but things are pretty tough these days.

Last Saturday I drove out to Longview to run the nice trail there. It was under construction and pretty torn up, but I could see why it's a trail that appeals to my coach. For one thing, it is asphalt rather than concrete as is the case with the Rose Rudman trail in Tyler - inexplicable! Anyway, I went 10 miles. The beginning was wicked, each passing moment/mile going by in slow motion as I wheezed along. Then, after some 3 miles or so, I chilled out to about mile 5 (things went by kind of smoothly and I must have hit some kind of groove or something). As I approached the water stop (at approximately mile 5-3/4), I started to feel things again and it all became work. Why is it always so hard? I feel like I must be doing something wrong, bad form, too fat, something. Thank goodness I have Sean and McKenna looking down on me and Ann to think of here. Otherwise, I would be seriously in the mood to quit...

Perhaps I am entering that time in marathon training where quitting becomes really enchanting, but I still have money to raise and a race to run. Might I add for any aspiring marathoners that fundraising provides tremendous incentive to get your training runs in - you simply do not want to be shamed out of the end product. So I have to run, but I'm not really liking it right now. This kind of stinks because I really, really want to be a runner. I long to glide along, fleet-footed and graceful, like a powerful gazelle in a Nike commercial. Instead, I feel like a lumbering cow, heavy footed, pounding, pounding, pounding along in the most ungainly, unnatural lope. I may try to start working in some speed training here and there, because I am seriously sick of this.

Oh, here's something mildly interesting. I've changed my Monday run to a Sunday run/cross-train. I'm going to try to work in more cross-training (low impact) because I am just convinced that I'm not strong enough. I really feel like I should be much stronger than I am, so that's my solution. One thing I've started is rowing. I've read that rowing is one of the best cardio workouts that you can do (I believe it - my old roommate was a rower and was she ever fit!) Only problem is, I'm not strong enough to get any serious workout. My arms and back seem to give out long before I've become anything close to winded. Perhaps this will help me burn some of my fat off, though. Then I could be lighter, leaner, and (see above).

Wow, this is a snarky post as they go. I guess I'm cranky today, not in the mood for much. Anyway, I'll let you all know if things seem to improve with my new plan. Until then...

It's been too long...

Yes, yes...I know. I've neglected posts very badly now for nearly 2 weeks! So, I decided to get back in the saddle and renew my efforts here until the end. Truth is, I've been fighting a terrible cold for the last 10 days or so, so I've not run much either. I guess that made me feel like there wasn't much to say, but there are a few things to note, some news to share.

First, the saddest thing. McKenna Johnson - sweet McKenna - passed away a week ago tonight. Not only was she a personal inspiration for me, as I've been training for this race, but she was also the Team Hero for the Minnesota marathoners in Team-in-Training. I'll always remember how brave she was, standing there with her parents the night after Sean died and facing the return of her own cancer. I cannot say enough about Krista and Scott (her mom and dad) who were just so wonderful to us when we lost Sean - I HATE that they had to go through what we did, bringing it all right back again. And amazing Krista... here's what she posted on Sean's CaringBridge site the very night (actually those sleepless, numbing wee hours of the next day) that she lost her own little girl:

Sean,

Have fun playing with McKenna in Heaven. You're her "big" brother now...taking over where Kalen was forced to leave off. Kale will take care of your friends here on earth, and you need to take care of his little sister in Heaven. Pretty fair tradeoff, don't ya' think?

Until we meet again...we love you....

The Johnson's

Of course this made me cry and cry. Kalen was in Sean's fifth grade classroom last year, and many of Sean's friends posted on McKenna's site after they learned of her passing. [side note: I remember kids that age sometimes being unconsciously and unconscionably cruel, but these children - friends of Sean and Kalen - continue to astound me with their grace and kindess -- amazing!] Anyway, Krista painted hot pink toe nail polish on McKenna's toes (as well as her own and those of her other daughter). I went out and bought some for myself and will be pink-toeing it all the way to the finish line in Austin.

Okay. So anyway, back to running (is that possible?) Today was recommitment to the Austin Marathon. I - in my own imitable way - forgot the paperwork at home and will fax it in tomorrow. Good thing, otherwise the training run (first run after illness) would have had to wait another day and I was starting to get antsy. So, thanks for understanding Karmen! Just a slow 4 mile run today and I felt it in my sinuses the whole way. Can't wait for the dregs of this horrible cold to leave me at last. Before tonight, the last time I had run was the Saturday after T-Giving (a 12-1/2 miler around the lakes in Minneapolis).

That was not the greatest run and I don't know if it was the excessive mileage, insufficient stretching/warm-up, or the early onset of the cold. Probably a combination of the three. My legs turned to lead about 1/3 of the way in in and I was never able to run it out. At the end, it was just fatigue, fatigue, fatigue. And then, the cold came (a doozy, I might add), thanks to the man from New York who brought me those special East Coast germs that I hadn't yet experienced. Hopefully, there will be no sinus infection as a result.

Finally, the exciting news of the two week layoff. I ran my first 5k! Me and 10,000 Minnesotans early on Thanksgiving morning, just an early strike against the many thousands of calories to be consumed later in the day! Thanks to Kirsten and Jake for facilitating this (5ks are apparently a regular thing for them), it was really pretty exciting. And it snowed! That was a LOT of fun.

I think that is about all. I'll try to write again and let you all know how post-cold recovery is going. I'm hoping that I'll be able to shake it off and slide back into the program. In the meantime - THINK PINK!

Happy Thanksgiving!

Hello all! I'm in Minnesota, hooray!

I love to come up here and run and was looking forward to the cool weather for some of these long runs - but it is downright cold! Today I ran around Lake Harriet twice (about 5 miles??) and it was a wee bit chilly (29 degrees) and toward the end of the run I felt quite the hip twinge.

Have I told you all about my troublesome hip? It's been slightly bothersome on a few runs but has not given me much trouble for the last few weeks. Suddenly, today, I felt it again except today it was worse. A decidedly sharp pain in the area of the hip flexor, so I stopped running immediately and walked the rest of the way to the car, stretching out carefully when I returned. Strangely, it has been fine since then, not the achiness I was feeling before, so I guess I'll just wait to see what happens.

Tomorrow is the Turkey Trot. I was enormously lazy and didn't sign up for it early so it's going to cost me an extra 5 bucks - or whatever... There's also something going on at Lake Harriet - a 6 miler (really, more my speed), so maybe I should do that instead? That's a "Drumstick Dash." Don'tcha just love the holidays?

The long run this week will be something like 12 miles (I'm going to attempt some kind of Lake-of-the-Isles/Calhoun/Harriet combo), just mapping something out. I wanted to run with the MN TNT group, but that sort of fell through last weekend. Actually, that's a something of a story...

So, there I was at Lake Calhoun, searching in vain for the TNT group when I approached a man who looked like he was gathering runners - perhaps he was the coach? I asked him if he was with Team-in-Training and he harumphed! An actual harumph followed by a dismissive wave of the hand and a "They're afraid of the snow." (!) This was my first experience with runners snobbery and I did not deal well. Not to mention the fact that I currently live in Texas and I was running in the snow! Anyway, the guy irritated me so much (and I still couldn't find the TNT folks) that I just went out on my own. The good news is that my anger sustained me for the first 3 miles or so, when I'm normally irriatable and sluggish. Only problem was, I was not prepared and had no water, so I spent the first little bit just running around looking for a convenience store (finally found one somewhere off of Lyndale). Not a bad run, all in all, I think I ended up doing something a bit over 11 miles, though it's hard to say 'cause I hadn't mapped the course. Longest distance yet, though somehow I just wasn't that pumped. I wonder why?

Okay, must dash. Holiday preperations have us all on the hop. Happy Thanksgiving everyone and I will give you feedback from my first road race sometime in the next few days!

An Update (Finally!)

Okay, first let me apologize for being so remiss in updating this blog. I've had hardware issues with my home computer which has made it difficult to do any updates. Basically, the power cord is fraying and I need to hold it with one hand while I navigate with the other -- needless to say, it makes typing rather difficult. I've ordered a new one so I hope this will mean that I will be a better blogger once it arrives...

So, on to some training news! First off, I need to be honest and tell all of you that I have had some pretty lackluster runs of late, which has made me generally cranky and difficult to be around. (Since I live alone and have no social life, this has not been too rough on anyone in particular. My poor work colleague, I suppose, bear the brunt of this!) But, yeah. Bad runs of late. I mean, I've been doing them, but I feel constantly out of breath and leaden for so much of the run. I'm totally bummed that I have never experienced the runners "high" (somehow I feel like I deserve it). Even my mantra of "better than chemo" does not appear to be helping me much, which makes me feel endlessly ashamed. I mean, the short distances have been simply horrid, horrid, horrid... The long runs, hilly and difficult. I might chalk it up to the freakishly warm weather, but shouldn't I be able to handle that somewhat?

Good news is that it is cooling down and I'm heading back to Minnesota on Friday. I'm very excited to go, in part to see my family, and in part because the MN TNT group has agreed to let me run with them. Hooray! (Though, I will give a shout out to my own Coach Carole and her husband who have been great!) I'm mostly just happy to run with a team for the long runs so that I can benefit from the water provisions. That's what I find difficult about mapping my routes here - making sure that I'm finding a convenience store for my water needs. Anyway...

So yes, to sum up: lousy runs lately, not feeling motivated (shamed), and running in MN

More updates later (or should I say sooner?)...

What a week...

Wow, so much has happened this week. Get ready. First of all, I've decided to switch my training toward the Austin marathon, rather than Walt Disney World. This is totally cool with me as it just means one more month of training and I kind of like the training. Kathleen and I took the decision right up to the wire and she decided, in the end, that the trip to Disney World would wait until the whole family (including little Snapkos) could go. Furthermore, Sage would not have to push her exhausted Auntie Deirdre around the park in a wheelchair, so that was cool for everyone. So, mark your calendars folks! February 17, 2008! Austin Marathon

How's everyone doing? Well, McKenna had a rough day today, but it looks like she's doing okay now. McKenna is actually an honored hero for TNT in Minnesota, so she's got a lot of marathoners working for her. I've met this little girl (last year, the day after Sean died) and I just have to tell you that this is a great kid with some cool parents. Just talking to them that night meant so much to all of us and my heart just aches for them. Keep thinking positive for McKenna.

Ann is a trooper. One of the loveliest girls I've ever seen and - like I said before - rockin' the chemo! Both Ann and McKenna are just beautiful, as was Sean, and it really seems that as unfair as it is that anyone must go through this dreadful, dreadful disease, and as much as it takes away from its victims and all the people that love them, it just cannot beat them. Not really. We lost Sean, but the cancer never stole his spirit. And he won. We lost, but he still won.

Anyway, I think I mentioned a mileage update, but I forgot to add things up before I started writing, so I don't have it. What I can tell you about is the running for the week. Both Monday and Tuesday I ran on the treadmill at the gym, which I think that I mentioned. Tuesday I was in a rush and didn't have time to do the whole run (only something like 2.8 miles, rather than 3). Likewise, I attempted to run on the treadmill when I had to go to Dallas on Thursday night (stayed in a hotel for a meeting), but it just did NOT work out. Seriously. I don't know why, but I just did not have it with me. Perhaps it was the late hour, or the not-so-great treadmill. But whatever it was, it was the first time that my workout really kicked my butt. Made me pretty cranky. Furthermore, I didn't get to train with the team on Saturday, so I had to run on my own this morning. I went about 10 miles (instead of the 13 that was supposed to happen), but I figured it was okay since I changed my race. Nevertheless... One new thing of note, tried a PowerGel today. I seriously have no idea if it worked. But it was worth a try.

So, now I'm a bit tired and sore. But hey, like I say when things are getting tough, it's better than chemo. Way better than the BMT.